Anger Management in Marriage 3: Biblically Dealing with Anger
Last time we talked about how people typically deal with anger towards their husband or wife.
So now what are some Biblical ways to deal with anger in marriage? Here are some brief ways to begin.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
1) Admit to yourself and God that you are angry. There’s no reason for denying it. Plus, as you get it out in the open, you’ll be better prepared to deal with it.
2) Don’t yield to your feelings. If you think you may say or do something that you’ll regret, walk away from the situation until you have control over your emotions. Take a deep breath to bring your physical reactions to anger under control. Realize that YOU are totally responsible for your own actions.
3) Whether the wrong committed against you was real or perceived, intentional or accidental, bring the offense to God and forgive your spouse. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you. As you get in the habit of actually forgiving your spouse, your anger will lead you into sin less often.
4) Don’t give the devil a foothold by dwelling on the offense. If you’ve forgiven your husband or wife, quit replaying the situation over in your mind. Otherwise, not only will you cause those angry feelings to come back, but you will give the devil the opportunity to add fuel to the fire by telling you how evil your spouse is. This will only serve to send you back to square one, negating any progress you’ve made.
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
Now you have some information to recognize how you may be unhealthily dealing with your anger and some recommendations to begin to deal with your anger in a healthy way.
If you’ve let your anger lead you into sin in the past, ask God to forgive you and let it go. You can’t control what you’ve done in the past, but you can control what you do now and in the future. Start preparing now for the next time you get angry, because the time will come again when you’ll need to deal with it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you control yourself and diffuse the anger without sinning.
And remember Luke 1:37 “For nothing is impossible with God.”
The three posts in the Anger Management in Marriage series are:
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on April 17th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Thank you for the advise. believe me I am trying very hard ,with the help of God of course to manage my own anger.
http://www.myanger.wordpress.com
nizam
on April 17th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
Hi Nizam,
Thanks for the comment. And you’re welcome. I hope that what God has been teaching me is a help to others.
I like that you are trying to address your anger in your blog. Keep looking to God for He can most definitely deliver you from any anger issues (or any issues for that matter:)
on January 11th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Thank you for the advice. I pray that my husband will give me another chance. I know that with God and prayer we can have the best marriage, better then we ever dreamed. Please keep our marriage in your prayers.
God BlessYou,
Jennifer
on January 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
You’re welcome Jennifer. I hope it helps encourage you. And it sounds like you’ve got the right attitude and expectations in what God can do. “For with God all things are possible”.
I will keep your marriage in my prayers and have a blessed weekend.
on April 24th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
It is very freeing to be able to admit that you are angry at something that happened. I had to learn that it was even okay to tell my husband that I felt angry at something he did instead of trying to hide my feelings and try to pretend that everything is great.
on May 7th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
I agree Lorene, trying to pretend and cover it up only leads to bitterness.
on June 13th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Anger has truly hurt my marriage. I can’t believe some of the many things I have done and said. When marriage is taken for granted, love has only become a word and as a christian we forget to put God first, you will suffer the consequences! When one spouse has anger problems and won’t seek help and will deny the problem the marriage will be dead. My anger stems from many things and just may have caused me the best treasure God has ever given me. My wife is beautiful in every way a woman and a wife can be. I pray on this night that God will somehow touch her heart and that I will start the process of seeking the help that I have needed for so long. God is good!!!
on September 13th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Michael,
I hope things have gotten better since your comment. You’re right, God is good!
Hopefully you and your wife have both been able to put the past behind and move forward with Christ as the centerpiece of your marriage. Have you gotten the help that you mentioned? I pray that you’ve taken that step in giving God something to work with.